protegge | ic inbox ( recolle )

[He's surprised to get this text. Not because he thinks shit isn't bothering Shuji all the time, but because Shuji is generally awful at asking for help.]

[If he is now . . . it has to be serious.]

yeah what is it
you okay?

I'm okay I just remembered something Bad, but nothing actually happened And I don't know how to deal with remembering something that didn't actually happen to me but I felt it and I don't know how to act like it's something that just happened to some other guy and it's Not really the kind of thing you'd normally remember happening to you

[. . .]

where are u ?

Dorm

[He hasn't been feeling up for going out too much.]

k im coming over
want me to bring anything

I should be okay

[Really, he should be. Whether he is or not is another question.]

not what i asked

what do you want is what i asked not what you should

[Don't call him out like this.]

Just come over I don't want anything

ok then
gimme 20

[Of course, in all of this Mista has seemingly forgotten to answer the question of advice entirely. Except to his mind he hasn't. Shuji is upset and alone, and the only thing that makes upset worse is loneliness.]

[He does in fact arrive in exactly 21 minutes. Under his arm he has fresh bread--like really fresh, he may actually have been at the bakery when he got Shuji's text--and some cold cuts, because of course he does. And pastries. It's a big bag, which he shoves into Shuji's arms once he cons his way past security and knocks on the door.]

Hey. [Man, he looks like shit. Mista frowns slightly and pushes past Shuji into the room, focusing on not saying anything about it.]

[Shuji accepts the bag - not much else he can do about it - and takes a look inside.]

This is kind of a lot...

[As long as they don't talk about how Shuji looks like he's been sleeping poorly and probably crying a lot, that's fine with him! Let's not bring that up at all.

Shuji closes the door behind them.]

Thanks for coming.

Not really. I'm gonna eat most of it.

[This statement is the mayor of Lietown. Mista will probably eat exactly enough that he can convince Shuji to eat and that's all. Then he'll leave the food behind on the pretense that he's too lazy to carry it back. It's all bullshit, but he feels a little helpless.]

[Glancing around the room, he gives Shuji's bed the once over and then barrels past whatever uncertainty he has by just plopping down at the foot of it. Then he looks up at Shuji expectantly.]

C'mere. Sit down and talk to me.

[Shuji might normally think twice about sitting on the same bed as Mista, but right now there are other things on his mind. He sits down next to Mista, and is quiet for a moment.]

...I remembered drowning.

[There's really no easy way to start talking about this kind of thing, and Mista already knows that it's Bad.]

. . . shit.

[He knew it was bad, yeah. And somehow he thought--well, he isn't surprised that it's this Bad, because Shuji wouldn't have asked for help if it wasn't really, really serious.]

I feel like it's dumb to say sorry. But I am. [. . .] Mostly that you've been alone since then. I'm glad I came over.

[It's the kind of thing there's no good answer to.]

Silver came over last night. I haven't been completely alone. But it turns out you don't get over remembering drowning yourself in a night, huh. Who knew?

[His attempts at sounding casual and calm are hampered by the fact that he's trembling enough that Mista can see it.]

[It takes him a second. Not to see that Shuji's trembling, that's obvious, but to parse the difference between what he said a moment ago--I remembered drowning--and what he's saying now. Drowning yourself.]

[Shuji remembered drowning himself.]

[There's--a lot. There's a lot fighting itself in Mista's mind right now. Hurt and pain and fear and a little anger, too, that he wasn't here to help first. That he doesn't know what to do even now. He tries to remember how much what he's feeling right now isn't the point, but--it's hard.]

Hey--

[Mmph. His mouth works on nothing. He can't fix this, and he can't protect Shuji from his own memories. He's just steady, not magic.]

[Impulsively, he reaches out and pulls Shuji into a hug. This is--what he's got. Hopefully it isn't the wrong thing to do.]

[There's no right thing to do, because whatever this is, it happened long ago, or to someone else, or both. Shuji has no context for what he's remembered. He has practically nothing from the life before the end - only the end.

When Mista hugs him, Shuji doesn't resist, still shaking.]

H...hey, I'll be okay, you don't have to...

[He's tearing up, and his hands hover at his sides like he wants more than anything to wrap his arms around Mista in return, but he isn't allowing himself to. The moment he hugs Mista back, he'll sob. He knows himself (thinks he knows himself) well enough to know that.]

Shut up, I know you will.

[Or he hopes, anyway. Mista's faith is pretty strong, and he wants it to be strong enough that it can make sure Shuji actually is okay. But this isn't something he can just believe better.]

[Mista doesn't let go.]

I know you'll be okay. But you're not right now. So just--

It's okay that you're not. Just be not okay with me.

Edited 2017-06-08 23:44 (UTC)

[Shuji takes in a shuddering breath - and throws his arms around Mista as he starts to bawl.

He's not okay. He's not okay at all, every time he thinks about it it's more terrifying and he can't stop thinking about it and it hurts to remember the water in his lungs-

He's absolutely going to be getting Mista's shirt wet, he can't stop crying. He'll apologize later.]

[Just because he was expecting it doesn't make it any less heartbreaking. Shuji throws his arms around Mista and sobs like he's trying to expelled some poison, and--yeah, it hurts to see his friend hurting. But it's good, too. Maybe Shuji hasn't let himself cry yet. So it's worth a hundred wet shirts.]

I got you.

[Murmured low as he curls protectively around Shuji, arms tight around his back. One hand rubbing circles at the small of his back, the other steady at his shoulder.]

I got you, I'm here.

[He's cried some - but while beating himself up more for crying, trying to stop the tears. It didn't really happen. It shouldn't hurt this much. Why are you crying? Why do you have to cry over something that didn't happen?

Just letting go of all of his tears - this is different, completely. Shuji cries until he runs out of tears, and even then he doesn't let go of Mista.]

...I needed that, I think.

Yeah. I figured.

[He's smiling, wry and unseen over Shuji's shoulder. He can tell, he thinks, when Shuji's stomping on his feelings.]

[Not that he's working too hard to let go right now either. He keeps rubbing circles, rests his chin on Shuji's shoulder.]

Sometimes you gotta cry. No shame. Get me?

I get you.

[It was inevitable, eventually. Shuji hates to cry in front of people, but if it's Mista, at least he knows Mista won't judge him.]

I think I'd take shrinking again over this.

If I could swap 'em out for you, I would. At least being small didn't hurt.

[And Shuji's definitely hurting.]

You want some water or something?

[He was nearly eaten by a frog, that would have hurt! Just in a different way.]

I wouldn't say no. Or hard liquor if we're no longer a dry campus. Does that have an exemption in case of trauma? Because it should.

[He scoffs.]

I'm a known hooligan, and hooligans don't give a shit about dry campuses. Real and true fact.

But I didn't bring anything. And I don't feel great about leaving you alone.

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