ic inbox ( recolle )

[protegge]

guido mista

hey hey, buongiorno what's up! leave me a message and i'll get back to you when i'm not asleep or whatever.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

nb: threads for recolle are welcome here, even if they (for whatever reason)
don't count for activity check! just mark them in the subject line with extracanon
for my tracking purposes. ♥

Comments

[protegge]

. . . shit.

[He knew it was bad, yeah. And somehow he thought--well, he isn't surprised that it's this Bad, because Shuji wouldn't have asked for help if it wasn't really, really serious.]

I feel like it's dumb to say sorry. But I am. [. . .] Mostly that you've been alone since then. I'm glad I came over.

[thesettingsun]

[It's the kind of thing there's no good answer to.]

Silver came over last night. I haven't been completely alone. But it turns out you don't get over remembering drowning yourself in a night, huh. Who knew?

[His attempts at sounding casual and calm are hampered by the fact that he's trembling enough that Mista can see it.]

[protegge]

[It takes him a second. Not to see that Shuji's trembling, that's obvious, but to parse the difference between what he said a moment ago--I remembered drowning--and what he's saying now. Drowning yourself.]

[Shuji remembered drowning himself.]

[There's--a lot. There's a lot fighting itself in Mista's mind right now. Hurt and pain and fear and a little anger, too, that he wasn't here to help first. That he doesn't know what to do even now. He tries to remember how much what he's feeling right now isn't the point, but--it's hard.]

Hey--

[Mmph. His mouth works on nothing. He can't fix this, and he can't protect Shuji from his own memories. He's just steady, not magic.]

[Impulsively, he reaches out and pulls Shuji into a hug. This is--what he's got. Hopefully it isn't the wrong thing to do.]

[thesettingsun]

[There's no right thing to do, because whatever this is, it happened long ago, or to someone else, or both. Shuji has no context for what he's remembered. He has practically nothing from the life before the end - only the end.

When Mista hugs him, Shuji doesn't resist, still shaking.]

H...hey, I'll be okay, you don't have to...

[He's tearing up, and his hands hover at his sides like he wants more than anything to wrap his arms around Mista in return, but he isn't allowing himself to. The moment he hugs Mista back, he'll sob. He knows himself (thinks he knows himself) well enough to know that.]

[protegge]

Shut up, I know you will.

[Or he hopes, anyway. Mista's faith is pretty strong, and he wants it to be strong enough that it can make sure Shuji actually is okay. But this isn't something he can just believe better.]

[Mista doesn't let go.]

I know you'll be okay. But you're not right now. So just--

It's okay that you're not. Just be not okay with me.

[thesettingsun]

[Shuji takes in a shuddering breath - and throws his arms around Mista as he starts to bawl.

He's not okay. He's not okay at all, every time he thinks about it it's more terrifying and he can't stop thinking about it and it hurts to remember the water in his lungs-

He's absolutely going to be getting Mista's shirt wet, he can't stop crying. He'll apologize later.]

[protegge]

[Just because he was expecting it doesn't make it any less heartbreaking. Shuji throws his arms around Mista and sobs like he's trying to expelled some poison, and--yeah, it hurts to see his friend hurting. But it's good, too. Maybe Shuji hasn't let himself cry yet. So it's worth a hundred wet shirts.]

I got you.

[Murmured low as he curls protectively around Shuji, arms tight around his back. One hand rubbing circles at the small of his back, the other steady at his shoulder.]

I got you, I'm here.

[thesettingsun]

[He's cried some - but while beating himself up more for crying, trying to stop the tears. It didn't really happen. It shouldn't hurt this much. Why are you crying? Why do you have to cry over something that didn't happen?

Just letting go of all of his tears - this is different, completely. Shuji cries until he runs out of tears, and even then he doesn't let go of Mista.]

...I needed that, I think.

[protegge]

Yeah. I figured.

[He's smiling, wry and unseen over Shuji's shoulder. He can tell, he thinks, when Shuji's stomping on his feelings.]

[Not that he's working too hard to let go right now either. He keeps rubbing circles, rests his chin on Shuji's shoulder.]

Sometimes you gotta cry. No shame. Get me?

[thesettingsun]

I get you.

[It was inevitable, eventually. Shuji hates to cry in front of people, but if it's Mista, at least he knows Mista won't judge him.]

I think I'd take shrinking again over this.

[protegge]

If I could swap 'em out for you, I would. At least being small didn't hurt.

[And Shuji's definitely hurting.]

You want some water or something?

[thesettingsun]

[He was nearly eaten by a frog, that would have hurt! Just in a different way.]

I wouldn't say no. Or hard liquor if we're no longer a dry campus. Does that have an exemption in case of trauma? Because it should.

[protegge]

[He scoffs.]

I'm a known hooligan, and hooligans don't give a shit about dry campuses. Real and true fact.

But I didn't bring anything. And I don't feel great about leaving you alone.

[thesettingsun]

I'm not going to hurt myself or anything.

[He wants to live. He absolutely wants to live, no matter what memory-him decided to do.]

[protegge]

That's not what I'm worried about.

[He's worried about exactly what he said: leaving Shuji alone while he feels bad. It seems like a shitty thing to do to a friend.]

I trust you. I just don't wanna . . . I don't know. I don't wanna leave you when you're sad. That's all.

[thesettingsun]

You're a good friend.

[Despite everything, Shuji manages to smile, a little bit.]

Water would be good, I think. I always get headachey after I cry.

[He gets headaches a lot.]

[protegge]

Well--

[He sort of puffs up a little, not sure how to respond to that. He tries to be, but he doesn't know how to say thank you without sounding--ugh. Full of himself, and not in the usual bluffing kind of way. His brows draw together a little.]

You're important to me, [is what he settles on eventually.] I'd drop anything to help you out. I'm just glad you asked this time.

[And he doesn't know what to do with himself, now. With his hands or his face or his words. His mouth works a little, before he focuses on Shuji's smile and cracks a sideways one himself.]

Get you some water. [He puts his hands on his knees and stands, glad to be moving.] And then later tonight or tomorrow night maybe we'll get you wasted like you want. Be right back. [And he darts off to the kitchenette, ducking back in in thirty seconds or so.]

[thesettingsun]

[Shuji spends about twenty-five seconds of that going 'aaaa Mista said I'm important to him aaaaaa' in his head and hiding his face in his hands, only recovering slightly before Mista comes back out.

It's good to know he still has his priorities in the right place. Or. In the same place, which may or may not be the right one.]

[protegge]

Heyo.

[He flops down on the edge of the bed again, pushes the water into Shuji's hands, and settles in like he lives here. Taking up a little more space than he should, probably, knee bumping Shuji's companionably. He has this habit of making himself at home anywhere.]

[For now, he's content. It isn't over and he knows that, nothing's resolved that easily--but it's a start, and he's here, and he's happy to be exactly where he is.]

Drink up.

[thesettingsun]

[It's not that easy, no - but Shuji's in a better place than he was before Mista came, and that's a start. Everyone has to begin from somewhere.

He takes a gulp of water. It helps, a little.]

...Hey, if you ever remember something like this... I'm not always the best at advice, but I'll listen, okay? I'm good at listening.

[protegge]

I know you are.

[He bumps Shuji's knee a little.]

Don't worry about it. If it happens, you'll be the first to know. I trust you with shit like that.

[thesettingsun]

[He bumps Mista's knee back.]

Thanks. I hope you don't remember anything this bad, obviously but - yeah. If it happens.

[protegge]

[Well. That leaves him quiet a moment, lost in thought, before he responds.]

Kinda of two minds about that. I keep thinking I'm not the kind of guy who anything really important could ever have happened to. Not even in another place or time or possibility. I'm just me.

But then maybe everybody thinks that?

[thesettingsun]

Most people think that way, I'm pretty sure. I mean, I'm not a famous novelist yet, I'm just a college student. Just me.

And your 'just you' is pretty cool, you know.

[protegge]

Yeah, well. I guess everybody thinks about themselves differently than everybody else thinks about them. Otherwise you'd be someone else instead of yourself.

[.............ok mista]

Thanks, though. I like your just you a lot too.